Why Your Health Goals Don’t Stick (and How to Stay Motivated Long-Term)

You know that feeling when you swear this time will be different—new plan, new motivation, fresh start—and then, somehow, it slips away again? Maybe it’s the moment you step on the scale and feel your whole mood hinge on a number. Or when you only feel successful because someone else notices a change. And when that outside validation disappears? So does your drive. It becomes challenging to stay motivated with your health goals.

If that’s you, you’re not alone. Most of us have been trained to chase external motivation—the kind that depends on other people, numbers, or quick wins. And while it might get you started, it never lasts.

What External Motivation Really Looks Like

When we talk about external motivation, we’re talking about anything that drives

you from the outside:

• The scale – Waiting for a number to tell you whether you’re “good” or “bad” today.

• Compliments from others – Feeling motivated when people notice changes, but doubting yourself when they don’t.

• Diet rules and challenges – Jumping into the next “30-day fix” or “start Monday” cycle because it offers structure… but once it’s over, so is your motivation.

• Before-and-after pictures – Using photos to validate progress, but losing drive if the change isn’t “dramatic enough.”

• Fitness trackers/numbers – Only feeling accomplished if your watch shows enough steps, calories burned, or streaks completed.

  
  

External motivation isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it often sparks the beginning of change. The problem is, it’s like a firework—it explodes brightly, but then fizzles out. It depends on someone else watching, validating, or rewarding you. The moment the external source disappears, your momentum disappears too.

The Cost of Relying on External Motivation

Living this way takes a toll.

Maybe you’ve noticed it yourself:

• You stay “good” as long as the scale is dropping. Then the moment it stalls, you give up.

• You promise yourself this time will be different, but without someone checking in, old habits creep back.

• You start to wonder if something’s wrong with you—why you can’t just stick with it like “other people.”

That cycle leads to shame, burnout, and self-blame. And it reinforces the belief that you can’t trust yourself... only outside forces.

I know this cycle intimately. In my own life, chasing external validation at a young age led me down a path of disordered eating and a deep sense of unworthiness around my wellness goals. For years, I believed that if someone else wasn’t watching, I couldn’t be trusted to take care of myself. It took me a long time to unlearn that—and now it’s one of the biggest truths I help my clients uncover.

Because the truth is: you can trust yourself. You just haven’t been taught how.

What Lasting Motivation Looks Like

Here’s the reframe: real, lasting motivation doesn’t come from the outside. It comes from the inside.

We call this internal motivation, but really, it’s just the fire that comes from your own heart: your values, your joy, your self-trust.

This type of motivation feels different. It’s steady, not frantic. It doesn’t depend on someone else noticing. And most importantly, it grows the more you practice it.

Think about the difference:

• External motivation: You go for a run so your watch shows more calories burned.

• Internal motivation: You go for a walk because the fresh air helps you clear your head and you actually feel calmer afterward.

• External motivation: You eat a salad so people think you’re “healthy.”

• Internal motivation: You choose foods that give you energy through the afternoon, so you can be present with your family without crashing.

See the shift? One is about proving yourself to others. The other is about caring for yourself because you matter.

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A Note on Accountability

It’s worth pausing here to talk about accountability.

Accountability can sometimes feel like an external motivator, like when you only take action because someone else is watching. If the only reason you’re following through is fear of letting someone down, that’s external motivation, and it usually won’t last.

But accountability can also be incredibly supportive. When it’s rooted in encouragement, community, and connection, accountability becomes less about pressure and more about partnership. Instead of “I have to do this or I’ll fail,” it becomes “I’m supported as I grow, and I don’t have to figure this out alone.”

That’s the kind of accountability I believe in and it’s the kind that creates space for internal motivation to flourish.

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How to Build Internal Motivation (3 Real-World Steps)

The good news? You can start building lasting motivation today. Here’s how:

1. Connect to Your “Why”

Ask yourself: Why do I want this change? And I’m not talking about surface-level answers like “lose 10 pounds.” Go deeper.

Maybe your “why” is:

• To have energy to chase your toddler without getting winded.

• To prevent health issues that run in your family.

• To finally feel peaceful in your body after years of self-criticism.

When your choices line up with your deeper why, motivation feels more natural. It’s no longer about following rules; it’s about living in alignment.

(This is exactly what I help clients uncover in 1:1 work—your personal “why” that makes habits actually stick. If you’re tired of chasing goals that fizzle out, a free discovery call is the best first step.)

2. Find Joy in the Process

If you hate every step of your wellness plan, how long do you think it’ll last?

Instead of punishing yourself with foods you don’t like or workouts you dread, explore what actually feels good:

• Turn movement into joy – Crank up your favorite playlist and dance in your kitchen, or take a walk with a friend while you catch up, instead of dragging yourself through a workout you dread.

• Make food feel comforting – Try cozy, flavorful options like roasted sweet potatoes with cinnamon, a colorful stir-fry, or a hearty soup, instead of forcing yourself into bland “diet food” you don’t even like.

• Create evening rituals you look forward to – Wind down with a soothing cup of herbal tea, journaling, or a hot bath, instead of relying on that late-afternoon coffee that leaves you wired at night.

  
  

Joy is fuel. When you actually enjoy your habits, motivation feels lighter and more sustainable.

3. Build Self-Trust

When you’ve relied on external motivation for a long time, it’s easy to believe: “I can’t stick with anything.” That belief erodes self-trust.

But trust is something you can rebuild, just like in any relationship. It’s about proving to yourself, little by little, that you’ll do what you say you’ll do.

• Start with promises you know you can keep. Instead of overcommitting (“I’ll work out an hour every day this week”), start with something realistic (“I’ll stretch for 5 minutes before bed”).

• Show yourself consistency matters more than intensity. Trust grows when you follow through regularly, even on small actions.

• Treat setbacks as data, not failure. Self-trust doesn’t mean perfection—it means trusting that you’ll come back, even if you miss a day.

  
  

Think of it like repairing a friendship: you wouldn’t rebuild trust overnight with one grand gesture. You’d show up consistently in small, meaningful ways. The same goes for your relationship with yourself.

Each time you keep a small promise to yourself, you reinforce the belief: I can rely on me. Over time, this builds into confidence that no scale, coach, or compliment could ever give you.

4. Practice Self-Validation

One of the biggest reasons people get stuck in the cycle of external motivation is because they’re waiting for someone else to tell them they’re doing enough. Self-validation is the antidote.

It means pausing to notice your own effort and giving yourself credit—whether or not the scale moved, whether or not someone else noticed. It’s the quiet moment of saying: “I kept my promise to myself today, and that matters.”

When you learn to validate yourself, you stop chasing approval and start recognizing your own progress. This not only strengthens motivation, it builds resilience.

(Inside the Thyme for Her membership, we dive deeper into self-validation practices, because learning how to cheer yourself on is one of the most powerful tools for lasting change.)

You’re Not Broken

If you take away one thing from this, let it be this: You are not broken.

You’ve simply been taught to lean on the wrong kind of motivation. And while external accountability can be helpful as a spark, the flame that keeps burning has to come from within.

Imagine what would be possible if you trusted yourself enough to keep going, even when no one else is watching.

Ready to Make the Shift and Stay Motivated with Health Goals?

If you’re tired of the cycle of starting and stopping, of chasing external validation and ending up back at square one, I want you to know—you don’t have to figure this out alone.

If you’re ready to dig deep, uncover your why, and finally build habits that last, I invite you to book a free 1:1 discovery call with me. Together, we’ll explore what’s been keeping you stuck and create a path forward that actually fits your life.

If you’re looking for encouragement, community, and support from other women walking this same path, my membership might be exactly what you need. Inside, you’ll find resources, live sessions, and a sisterhood that helps you stay connected to your goals—not just when someone’s watching, but in real life.

Because real motivation isn’t about pleasing others. It’s about learning to care for yourself in ways that last.

And you deserve that.

Healthy blessings,

Dr. Stephanie Lanham, DCN, CNS, NBC-HWC